i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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