ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Fuck appropriateness.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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