Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
