i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
