Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
