So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize