So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
