last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
