we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize