just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
