I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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