after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
