I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish you could order shots online.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
don't judge my taste in strippers
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
