why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
