ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
