Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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