its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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