I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
