My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
