I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
