Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
