If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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