Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
