How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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