There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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