I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
