Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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