i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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