Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
