I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We are all done wearing pants today
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
