Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize