I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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