I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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