He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
