the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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