I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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