Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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