By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
40s are totally the cure
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
