he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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