Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
