i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
