i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we're so committed to being not committed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize