And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want to make out with him forever
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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