got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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