i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
