i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
