i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
