I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
