why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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