I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
