he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
