You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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