it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
is that a dick in a sweater?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
