Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
