I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
