I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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