So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
