new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
