I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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