those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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