Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
