Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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