I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
