I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
